Once Upon a Lezareno Company
by Emil Lime
Summary: Colette's tripping, Raine's going into Ruin Mode, Genis is cussing up a storm, Lloyd's being anti-social and Regal's company is trying to take over the world. Just another normal day for everyone's favorite boy hero, Emil. Crackfic
1. The Gum that Lied

This is completely crack. It was thought up with some of my good friends and then Co-Written with OrangePotato. A word of caution, if you're a fan of Dawn of the New World, turn back now. This story will be making fun of the concepts and characters/characterizations of the game. It's meant to be funny and not meant to offend anyone. But, if you loved DotNW,** READ WITH CAUTION!** However, if you're like me and didn't much care for the sequel to Symphonia, this'll be a good read for you.

The original characters will be portrayed as the second game depicts them! Do not message me about how they are OOC! Remember, this is not to be taken seriously. Also, the cover for this story was borrowed from here: member_ ?mode=medium&illust_id=20958156 Just thought I'd give credit where credit is due.

Please understand that neither OrangePotato nor I hate DotNW. If you want our full opinion of the game, message either one of us. WE DO NOT HATE IT, WE JUST DISLIKED PARTS OF IT. And that happens to be the parts we're poking fun at.

Sorry for the long A/N. As always, Read, Enjoy and Review!

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Chapter One: The Gum that Lied

Once upon a time…

There was a GREAT tree that was the source of all manamana! A war killed the tree dead and this goddess chick Martel gave up her life to save the planet! Unfortunately, she slept for a super long time and because her younger brother drank all of her coffee, she stayed asleep while he thought up some really crazy ass plan.

ENTER LLOYD AND FRIENDS! They saved the world from the coffee stealing, crazy ass brother and unified the worlds because they were two separate worlds, Sylvarant and Tethe'alla. Now that they're one, you can forget all of what you just read because IT IS NOT IMPORTANT! SCREW CANON! IT SUCKS!

INSTEAD!

Born was a boy with blonde hair and bright green eyes whose name was Emil Castneasdfjkl! His alter ego, the kick-ass Ratatosk, his bestest buddy, Marta, and ever constant companion Tenebrae faced many freaking challenges! Most but not limited to CENTURIONS CORE HUNTING! After Emil gathered all of the very valuable and totally not filler cores, he momentarily forgets about them to fight back the Sylvarant dynasty, which ends up killing but not really killing Marta's pappy. It was a sssaaaadddd moment and then shit happens and Aster is actually Emil and Ritcher is possibly madly in love with him (who knows, just saying) and Emil pulls this whole trick to try and die or something and the cores are all but forgotten until the end when the door to hell is sealed and they all lived happily ever after…

OR SO THEY THOUGHT!

Emil was walking to the super market to buy a package of napkins, some plastic forks, a bag of pretzels and a dozen eggs. Martel herself has no freaking idea what he's gonna do with that stuff, but he's gonna buy it anyway.

So, as Emil was walking, he noticed that the usual HAPPY'S SUPER MARKET was recently bought out by a very very very very very familiar looking name.

_Just open! Lezerano Super Market_

Emil shrugged and walked inside to get the previously mentioned list of items as well as a pack of gum because they had his favorite flavor, amago! He carried his stuff to the checkout counter where the lady gave him a strange look but proceeded to check him out. As the stuff ran through the scanner, Emil raised a blonde, elegant eyebrow.

_Beep…Luzerne Eggs_

_Beep…Luzerne Napkins_

_Beep…Lezerano's Crunchy Prezels (only 100 calories per 10 sticks to maintain that hero figure of yours!)_

Even when Emil's precious gum crossed the red lines of beepy-ness, he saw to his horror that it was not amago flavored but in fact, LEZERANO FLAVORED GUM!

"What in the name of Ignis?" Emil stammered. It didn't take him long to gather up the bags of his recently purchased goods and head out the door. He was taking off through the streets, running so fast on his beautifully chiseled legs that he ran into someone and they fell to the ground!

Many oomfs were exchanged as well as a good laugh from the audience (that's right, you know you laughed) and he looked over to see it was none other than SHEENA FUJIBYASHI!

"Sheena!"

"Emil! I'm so sorry I ran into you, I'm so abnormally klutzy." She got up, dusting off her purple clothes before helping the blonde to his feet. "I'm in a hurry. As the chief of Mizuho, I have a few questions to ask Regal."

"Regal? You mean the president of the Lezerano company?" Emil was suddenly shocked, shock covering his lovely girlish yet totally masculine face. All of his beloved goods, even his beloved gum, had just been bought out by Regal. "Wait, what's up with Regal? Everything I bought today has his name on it."

"It's too hard to explain, but come with me and hopefully we can get some answers." Before the chief could ninja dash off, she tripped and fell into a trap hole with a "whhhoooaa!" Emil just laughed at his overtly exuberant friend before running to the Lezerano company base.

Bursting through the door in typical awesome Emil fashion, he stomped forward and demanded a band-aide because while he was making his dramatic entrance, he got a splinter. They promptly gave him a band-aide and led him to Regal.

He could have sworn he heard evil laughter as he walked the hallway to his blue haired buddy's office. But imagine Emil's shock when he saw Regal looking blessedly surprised.

Que Regal's theme music.

"What is it, Emil, oh friend of mine?"

Emil strutted forward with the confidence he eventually got in the game and leaned on Regal's desk all cool like. "What's up with your business? It seems like they own everything now."

Regal gave a creepy smile before standing from behind his desk, "that's because Lezerano DOES own everything…" He pulled open a curtain that was behind him and showed the city below, Lezerano was painted on everything. Every street lamp, every postage stamp, every little old lady and her walker. Every brick and stone and obsidian building. All of it LEZERANO!

"You're going mad with power!"

"That's because my company owns everything! Don't you want to own everything, Emil? If you join me…Lezerano can OWN. YOUR. SOUL."

Flailing madly out of the office, nay, the hallway, nay, the building, nay, the city, only to pause when he saw that even the grass outside was stained with LEZERANO! He ran back to the city, nay, back to the building, nay, back to the hallway, nay, back to the office.

"I will stop you!" Emil fled through the afore mentioned places to the only place Lezerano didn't own…FlAHnoir.

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Congrats! You made it through chapter one! Tell me your feels but please, no flames. If there's anything YOU noticed about the game, character wise or story wise, please put it in a review and OrangePotato and I will see what we can do about including it!

Hey, if you want to be forever cool like Emil, check out OrangePotato and my co-write, Glory's Casket. Search OrangePotato's name and you'll find it!


	2. The Secret Plan

Yes, that's right. Two chapters are posted on the same day at roughly the same time! This is a co-write with OrangePotato. Just so it's clear, this is a crackfic and not meant to be taken seriously. If you liked Dawn of the New World, READ WITH CAUTION! This will be poking all kinds of fun at that game and it's characterizations of the original cast.

Please no flames for the original cast's OOC, as we simply are characterizing them as they were shown in the second game.

Read, Enjoy and Review!

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Chapter Two: The Secret Plan

When Emil finally made it to FlAHnoir and caught his breath, he heard the whimsical, melodic screech of his best friend, Marta. "EEEEMMMMMIIIILLLLLL!"

He turned just in time to be glomped. Tenebrae was also there, floating above with his usual witty and totally hysterical comments, "SNOW doubt you heard her coming. Just make sure to SNOW down, Marta. You might hurt Emil." Once again, the audience laughed their asses off because the comedy was almost too much. Almost.

After they stood up, Marta started to complain cutely because she's so freaking adorable, "Emil, I missed you, I love you, I wanna marry you."

"Not now, Marta. Regal has gone mad with power."

"I guess I did notice that everything in the stores had his name on it. But that's why I asked for some of my BEST FRIENDS to come here. Colette, Zelos and Genis."

"What a coincidence, sometime during my mad dash here, I called some of my besties to meet me here. Namely Lloyd, Presea and Raine."

That's when there was a resounding chorus of HEY BUDDY from the entrance of town. Even Sheena was there, though she'd tripped on the stairs. Colette, who was every optimistic and never wore a frown, began walking towards them only to trip and fall into the snow, shouting as she fell, "I'M SORRY SNOW!" Her face hit the snow but the snow was okay with it, because, you know, she apologized. Anyway…

Genis snickered in his pubescent voice, "wow, Colette, you can be such a dumbAsS. Why the HELl are we here anyway? What BAStarDs do we have to kill?" These curse words totally made Genis sound older and it never, not once, sounded like it was forced upon him to say such vocabulary.

Marta ran up to them and hugged them all because they are apparently really good friends. "The Lezerano company is taking over everything!"

Zelos, who suffers from severe mood swings (this is canon), said "I use to hate you guys, but because we're now bestest buddies, I totally believe you when you accuse one of my original, best friends of being insane."

Emil came over and nodded, "There has to be a way to stop him."

Raine's eyes lit up like elegant (but not as elegant as Emil's eyebrow) sapphires, "WILL THERE BE RUINS?" Many hearts could be seen floating over her head, earning another chuckle from the audience.

"There she goes again," Genis sighed and put his hands up, "that DaMn Ruin Mode." Everyone in the group laughed at Raine because she did this frequently. So frequently in fact, that it was probably unhealthy and she should probably seek professional help. But that's beside the point. Raine's ruin mode is always good for a laugh, as it comes up every couple of minutes.

Presea, whose pink hair was still tied up in pig tails, spoke up animated, "As the vice president of the Paw Pad Pals, I pronounce Regal's present predicament to be precisely perilous to Paw Pad Pals and People everywhere." After everyone whipped the spit from their faces, they nodded. Then Presea saw a dog and proceeded to chase it saying "PPAAAWWW PPPPAAADDDSSS!" Colette, who finally pulled herself from the snow, joined Presea.

"Puppy! I WANNA NAME YOU WHISKERS!"

Everyone laughed again because they can and because it's funny. So, Emil and Marta and the other people went to the inn to discuss things further.

Raine pondered things a little more, looking over the countless packages that were marked with Lezerano. "I know he randomly started owning everything upon meeting you, Emil, but I never would have guessed he'd go this far." She spied an ancient relic in the meeting room and began going into ruin mode again. Like I said, every couple of minutes. Gotta love this humor!

Marta frowned yet her face was still oddly cute and cuddly, "there's got to be a way to stop him."

Genis crossed his arms in his normal angsty fashion, "I don't know what the heLL we're going to do, but I bet we'll have to use the RAYards to get there."

Zelos nodded, "yes, the RAYards."

Colette, who had bruises all over her face from tripping up the stairs, nodded, "That's right. Right, Tenebie?"

"For the millionth time," the black dog like thing said, "It's Tenebrea!"

"Oh. I'm sorry. That's right…..Tenebie." She smiled right before she fell out of her seat and landed on the ground. "I'm sorry." Everyone laughed at her.

Sheena, whose face is also purple from tripping up the stairs, spoke up, "as the chief of Mizuho, it's my duty to figure out what's going on. I'll go with you anywhere, Emil." Good, old reliable Sheena. After having her on the party for over half the game, he really grew to love her and her hilarious antics.

Lloyd, who'd been uncharacteristically quiet, looked at his friends and stood up. "I've got a secret plan," he said in a voice that is clearly not Scott Menville, "but I'm not telling any of you!" He turned on his heel and jumped out the window, disappearing into the busy streets below.

Everyone was flabbergasted! Emil was angry, "I don't trust Lloyd."

Zelos stood up immediately, his chair scrapping on the floor and crashing into Colette and Sheena who toppled over like bowling pins, saying, "I hate you! I trust Lloyd even though he'd normally share everything with us and not pull this lone-wolf maneuver, he's still my best friend (and possibly lover, who knows) and I won't listen to you guys diss him." After his moodswing rant was over, he leapt out a different window, leaving the rest of the team two windows broken and very cold.

Notice anything in DotNW that really bothered you, rather it be story or character related? Leave a review telling us what it is and we'll see if we can put it in the story!

Also, do you wanna be as huggable as Marta? Check out OrangePotato and my new co-write, Glory's Casket. Search OrangePotato's profile to find it!


	3. LezarenoVille

Here's the next chapter! Although this story has nearly 100 views, it has only 2 reviews (**Thank you, Curls923**. We loved seeing what you had to say). Don't be shy, wonderful readers! Leave a review! It doesn't have to be anything more than an 'awesome' or 'that was funny'. Orangepotato and I will love it anyway. Now that that's out of the way, please remember that this is a crackfic and is not to be taken seriously. If you really liked DotNW, read with caution. Also, don't send any flames talking about how the characters are OOC. We are portraying the original cast the way we felt the second game portrayed them.

As always,** Read, Enjoy and Review!**

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Chapter Three: LezarenoVille

Emil was devastated that Lloyd and Zelos left because, you know, they're best friends and what have you. Anyway, he was depressed and decided to take a walk in the city to figure out why anyone wouldn't want to side with him and his lovely blonde locks that were so golden and lushes that they put the sun to shame and the sun has hence forth refused to shine on a world where something is more golden and/or beautiful than it. So, in the darkness of night, he walked the city streets, kicking snow and generally being pretty emo about Lloyd when he heard a familiar voice.

"Is SNOW-thing the matter?"

Emil turned around to see his favorite companion Tenebrae, whose humor lightened the mood because it was in desperate need to be lightened because of the dramatic turn of events that no one, especially the writers, foresaw.

"Nothing, Tenebrae. I'm just super sad that my besties don't like me anymore."

"Don't be silly. Just because they aren't ICE to you anymore doesn't mean they aren't your friends. You're the greatest person alive, Emil, Knight of totally-canon Ratatosk." Tenebrae continued to float beside Emil, easy to see by anyone who can see such things. There he was, plain as the no-longer-there daylight. Right in the view of whomever was looking.

SUDDENLY! Emil and Tenebrea smacked into someone who was also walking on the dark streets. They all fell over, landing in the snow in which Colette's voice, off in the distance, could be heard "APOLOGIZE TO THE SNOW!" Emil looked over while rubbing at his, now cold and sore, perfectly round bottom and saw a man with blue hair. He'd seen this man at Asgard, one of the few towns that maintained its original pronunciation after the world was regenerated.

Tenebrea shook off the snow that had covered him, "oh my, being a CENTURION as well as AN ACIENT SPIRIT THAT AIDED RATATOSK WHOM MARTEL'S GROUP WAS AFFILIATED WITH, these old bones can't take much more falling and landing in the very cold snow."

The blue haired man, YuWAN, stood up and helped Emil to his beautiful feet, "I'm sorry I bumped into you. I was deep in thought..." YuWAN looked beside Emil and then back at the perfect blonde before him. Then back beside and back to the perfect blonde. This process was repeated a couple of times, making the audience super curious as to what YuWAN could possibly be seeing, making them wonder if he could possibly see Tenebrae!

"Is that a CEN-"

"Centurion? Yeah, his name is Tenebrea and he's the Centurion of darkness."

"Uh, no. A Century's bank? I've been meaning to make a withdrawl. I really need to buy some miracle grow for the He-Who-Should-Not-Be-Named-Tree... Yet…" Just as he was about to walk off to do make his withdrawl, he looked at the blonde boy in all of his heroic perfection and said, "There's something ancient about you even though you're clearly youthful and definitely a hero-type."

"Ancient? Well, there's Tene-"

"Ah, Tenebrae, my centurion friend whom I've known and stayed in contact with for these 4000 years. How have you been doing, good friend? Is Ratatosk still angry about us stealing the Dherris Emblem? I still can't _fathom_ how he got his grubby paws on it when he lives in the core of the earth but, you know, if that's how it is, that's how it is."

"YuWAN! It's been forever. I'm doing really well, actually. I've found some acceptable heroes to replace the original Symphonia cast. I believe the Tales community has taken to them quite well. I simply ignore all of the hate they get on the internet. After all, you can't trust everything you read..."

"My, is that a talking dog?" YuWAN asked Emil.

Emil was shocked beyond all possible shocked-ness. "But you just said you knew him…"

"I do. We're old friends. We go way back, don't we, T-dawg?" The two shared a secret hand shake (high five, low five, side to side five), ending with a hip bump and a rock-on fist in the air. "We're pretty much inseparable." The two of them commence hugging, both having goofy smiles on their faces.

"So why did you ask if he was a talking dog?" Emil asked, his elegant blonde eyebrow rising up.

The hugs and giggles stopped. "Because I don't know him. Although he feels just like a summon spirit…I'll have to look into this." Walking away without further explanation, Emil was left to ponder YuWAN even though all of that pondering would end up being for nothing unless he unlocked a secret bonus scene at the end of this fanfiction which would reveal everything YuWAN was thinking about.

YuWAN called over his shoulder, "Forget I was here."

And they did.

The two headed back to the hotel where the ever-lovable Marta was waiting along with all of the others. Marta screeched Emil's name as he came through the door, everyone cooing when she tackled him and nearly chocked him in her embrace.

After the two finished their ever so adorable chock hold and the audience got done having a kawaii moment with their _favorite_ OTP, Raine stood up to express her plan, "Alright. We know Regal's gone mad with power, since the Lezareno company now owns pretty much everything. So, the only way to stop him is by using the power of friendship against him." Then, outside of the hotel, ancient relics were being sold on the street. "RUINS!" Leaping out of yet another unbroken window, she landed on the street below, killing the cart owner and running off with the cart. TeTHE'allan guards following close behind her. All the while she was screaming at the top of her lungs, laughing manically as she threw spells at the sizable group of guards behind her.

Genis sighed, "That's Raine for you, always going into Ruin Mode and causing hElL. When will she ever learn…" Everyone, again, like last chapter, laughed at Raine's antics before focusing yet again on the task at hand.

"So," Sheena said, whose face was doing much better now and who'd only tripped through 3 trap doors since Emil's departure, "If friendship is the key, then we need to make this work. As the chief of Mizuho, it's my job to make sure my village is safe and protected. And that means defeating Regal."

Colette nodded, smacking her head into the wall as she did, "I'm sorry, wall."

Marta scratched her head innocently, "WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR? LET'S GET GOING!" Her blonde, would-be boyfriend (save the fact every girl on the party wants to date Emil and he just can't decide which girl to choose) shook his head, earning a lovely-as-rainbows WHY NOT from Marta.

"Because, it's not that simple."

"Precisely," Presea said, "Regal's protection is par-none… Paw Pad Pals had a Paw Pad Play Pin there in the past. I played with many pudgy paw pads…" A random cat appeared and Presea picked it up and began poking the paw pads, but she was quickly disheartened when the cat scratched the living daylights out of her pretty-but not as pretty as Marta's-face. "Tenebie, please permit me to poke your paw pads."

"For the last time, it's Tenebrae and no!"

All of the girls said in unison, "Oh come on, Tenebie!" Because this pun was so funny last time, it had to be reused in this chapter just to make the audience laugh again. It never gets old…NEVER.

"So here's the plan," Emil said, since he's suddenly the strategized for the entire party, "Sheena, you sneak in and _disarm_ the security system. Meanwhile, the rest of us will make a frontal assault that _activates_ the security system. When Sheena gets the system down, we'll all meet up at Regal's office." Even though the plan made no sense, everyone agreed to it anyway because Emil had thought it up and because he was the main character and their best friend ever.

"Right," Sheena said, "You can leave the system to me. I promise as the Chief of Mizuho that I'll get it down in no time." As she ninja dashed out of the room, she tripped on nothing, throwing her out a window that hadn't been broken. She fell with an 'ompf' but no one paid her any heed.

Marta span in a circle and hugged Emil close, "That's my brave Emil! Diving right into danger!"

"Marta…I'm not brave…" He was blushing up a storm, the audience and writers having to share a couple tissues to dry away their tears of happiness.

"Of course you're brave, Emil." Colette walked towards him, tripping right before she could get close enough to give him a smile. Landing face first on the floor, it broke and gave way, Colette falling again. "I'm sorry…" she said.

Genis gave an angsty sigh, his teenage hormones kicking in again, "Why the HelL is Colette so clumsy? DaMn it, she breaks every dAMn thing. Stupid BitCh…" Letting out yet another totally in character angsty sigh, Genis crossed his arms as Colette came up the stairs and entered the room again.

"I'm sorry, Genis." She smiled and everything was better. "Should we be going? We've got a world to save."

"Point procured," Presea spoke, "Paw Pads are presently in peril!" Everyone nodded in agreement, judging that that could be one of the most important reasons for fighting their former friend.

"Then let's get our AssES outside!" Genis and the others ran out the bedroom door, down the broken-because-of-Sheena-and-Colette-tripping-on-them-countless-times stairs and to the front door of the Inn of FlAHnoir.

Once outside, they could see that the city of FlAHnoir was completely destroyed because of Raine. She'd killed everyone in town and broken down all of the buildings just to protect her lovely ruins. Her friends just laughed at her as an explosion went off in the distance.

"Sis, please don't embarrass the hELl out of me…" Genis was turning as red as Zelos' hair and everyone laughed again. Heading out, they boarded the RAYards and flew towards whatever town Emil had started in since the writers were none too clear about that…

As it got into their sights, they could see huge signs around it everywhere, "WELCOME TO LEZARENOVILLE"

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Was there anything YOU noticed about DotNW that really bothered you? Leave a review telling us about it and we'll try to include it in our story!

Want to be as Perfectly Precious as Presea? Check out the co-write Orangepotato and I are working on, Glory's Casket. You can find it by searching Orangepotato's name and going to her profile! Or, click on my name and find a link to the story at the bottom of my page! Whichever suits your fancy.


	4. Spamming the C Button

I bet you guys thought I died! Sorry it took so long to update this (well, not that long, like two weeks but, you know. Long enough). Anyway, with starting school and getting use to classes, I just wasn't in the funny-bone mood, making this rather difficult to write (And no amount of OrangePotato sending me humorous prompts or death threats helped). Not only that, but I've been focusing what exists of my free time onadding to the queue for Glory's Casket, a collab fanfiction I'm working on (also with OrangePotato). Go check it out! It updates**_ twice a week_** now! Regardless of my reasons, the next chapter is out now.

OrangePotato and I would like to give a special thanks to Link Fangirl01, Vesperian-Ivia-Elemental and Curls 923 for reviewing and, of course, a big thanks to those of you who continue to read this crack fic! As always, READ, ENJOY AND REVIEW!

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Chapter Four: Spamming the C Button

Emil was so flabbergasted that flabbergasted didn't even describe how flabbergasted he was! He was so freaking flabbergasted that he pulled out some pills from his RAYard, anti-flabbergasting meds. Which didn't treat gas, as they sounded like they did. It was meant to treat FLABBERGASTION, or, according to the EMILPOTATO dictionary, the state of being so beyond flabbergast that it becomes a serious medical condition of the liver, FLABBERGASTION! So Emil popped his anit-flabbergastion medication*Known side effects of this medication are severe "I'm Sorry" episodes, known to cause frequent hatred from ones friends and relatives. Also, it can make you extremely venerable to becoming the main character in a very crappy story line. It should be taken with caution.

Landing outside the sign which read "WELCOME TO LEZARENOVILLE" Emil, Marta and everyone else who is not as important but somewhat worth mentioning looked at the town, painted gray and periwinkle. Marta frowned, making her adorable as puppies and kittens face sad, "Eeeemmmmmiiiilllllll, this is terrible!" She screeched in her melodic voice, bringing birds fluttering to her feet. They chirped along with her screech and whine, making music that made the audience tear up and ALMOST made Regal, who was inside the city, cry. When Regal didn't cry, however, the audience scorned and continued to listen to Marta's lovely voice.

"Marta," Emil said, "You're singing is nice and all but, we've got really important things to do now." So, Marta stopped singing, much to everyone's sadness, and they all started talking because they hadn't had a cut scene since last chapter! Every cut scene was necessary and relevant, explaining the story over and over just to make sure EVERY SINGLE PERSON could understand where they were headed, why they were headed there and also to listen to Emil and Marta and the ever lovable Tenebrae speak.

"So, what are we going to do now that we're outside Lezareno?" Colette asked before tripping and falling face first onto one of the many signs outside the city. "I'm sorry!" Standing up, she dusted herself off and fell again, tripping comically into Marta this time, since Sheena had long since gone. "I'M SORRY MARTA!"

"That's okay, Colette. I use to hate you because you KILLED MY MOM! and RAN AWAY! from your DUTIES AS THE CHOSEN!, but I've completely forgiven you now."

"I'm so glad we're friends," the blonde ditzy girl said as she smiled. Then she tripped once more, everyone ignoring her as she fell. "I'm sorry ground…" she mumbled through a broken nose.

Presea shook her head, "Poor Colette, so preposterously prone to painful plunges." Everyone nodded their head as Colette got up, smiling like she hadn't just broken her nose or fractured her face.

ALL OF THE SUDDEN! The audience noticed a small icon in the corner of their screens! As the audience suppressed their laughter (because, seriously, who WOULDN'T be laughing after Colette tripped for the millionth time) they clicked the button.

SKIT TIME!

Skit: Clumsynosis

Raine: Colette, I need you to balance these books on your head for absolutely no reason.

Colette: Okay, Professor! *wobbles and zags as Raine is thinking*

Raine: …

Colette: Whoa…

Raine: …

Colette: Ehh…

Raine: …

Colette: Uhh…

Marta: Professor? What are you doing!

Raine: I'm testing a theory. Even though we're quite busy saving the world right now, I randomly decided it was the perfect time to diagnose Colette.

Marta: DIAGNOSE!?

Raine: That's right. She's got Clumsynosis.

Colette: *Trips and falls* WWHHHaoooaoooaooafhdlfjdlsaf lkdjslkfjlewj afjewajfo;wjf!

Audiene: *Good hearted chuckling*

Marta: HOLY GLACIUS OF ICE AND ALL OTHER THINGS FROSTY…INCLUDING ICE CREAM! I guess Colette really DOES have Clumsynosis! I feel so bad for blaming her for KILLING MY MOTHER!, ABANDONING HER DUTIES AS THE CHOSEN!, and DESTROYING PALMAcostA!

Colette: *gets up and trips again, getting the classic dizzy eyes*

Marta and Raine: Clumsynosis strikes again.

END SKIT!

After that well-meaning and totally worthwhile, plot oriented skit, the party continued. As they walked through LezarenoVille, they could see that all of the inhabitants were glitchy anglic-looking-but-not-angels who could be mistaken as those aboard the comet Derris Kharlan (which for all intents and purposes doesn't exist) who had hair and outfits that matched Regal's!

"Oh, for the love Lumen! Not only is Regal trying to take over the world but he's giving everyone bad fashion sense!" Emil screamed as he struck a pose in his amazing blue leotard like outfit…yah. That thing. It's awesome. That's all that matters.

Anyway, everyone nodded! Gasping, Genis angstly said, "We've got to do a HeLl of a lot of work to save the world this time!"

Presea blinked, her eyes become almost…clear? "It's so strange…These angels, they're almost like the ones we saw in Derris-" A GIANT EXPLOSION INTERRUPTED PRESEA! FIRE CAME DOWN FROM THE SKY, PARTING THE CLOUDS AS IT DID! TWO ANGELIC LOOKING BEINGS, ONE WITH LONG FIRE RED HAIR AND THE OTHER WITH COPPER SHORT BUT MORE LOVELY THAN THE RED HAIRED HAIR, LANDED ON THE GROUND, SPEAKING IN UNISON. ONE VOICE, BEAUTIFUL AND ELEGANT, THE OTHER, not so much.

"THERE WILL BE NO MENTION OF THE FIRST _SUCKY_, _LAME_, _BORING_, TOTALLY _CLICHÉ_ GAME!"

Presea looked at the very strange beings before her, "What are you talking about? The first game was actually the better of the-"

"SILENCE PRESEA! GO BACK TO BEING THE PAWPAD LOVING…" The copper haired angel person turned to the red haired one, whispering, "what else is there to her character in the second game?"

"I don't know, Lime. Make something up. That's pretty much what you're doing for the majority of this fanfiction anyway."

"Oh…okay." She cleared her throat, "EXCUSE ME, I WAS IN THE RESTROOM. NOW!"

"But you never left." Presea spoke, raising an eyebrow.

"I SAID SILENCE!" A giant fiery explosion exploded as the two began speaking together again, "GO BACK TO THE PAWPAD LOVING…HELPFUL, COMPLETELY TRUSTING, EXCENTRIC AND TALKATIVE GIRL YOU ARE IN THE SECOND GAME!" Just like that, the two disappeared and everything was back to normal, the life and soul in Presea's eyes disappearing once more.

She spoke, "Please pardon my peroration." A random dog appeared beside her. "PAW PADS…" She chased after the dog, Colette following after.

"Puppy! I want to name you Beatrice!" She, again, tripped and landed on a switch which just so happened to open a back door into the Lezareno company. "Oh no! I'm going to let in a breeze!" She quickly slammed the switch with her face again, closing it up.

Emil shouted, "Wait! I think I just found a way to infiltrate Lezareno!" He ran over, helping Colette to her feet. Naturally, she tripped the moment a dust speck got in her way, opening the passageway yet again.

Everyone gasped! Emil had to pop his anti-flabbergasting meds just to deal with how flabbergasting this situation was!

Colette clapped her hands, "Wow, Emil! You're so smart. Who would have thought that this switch activates when people trip onto it?"

SKIT TIME!

Skit: Lover's spat

Colette: Wow, Emil! You found a way into the Lezareno company! You're so smart!

Emil: *blushes* Thanks, Colette, but really, I'm not that great…I'm actually kind of pathetic.

Colette: That's not true!

Raine: That's right! Emil, you're amazing! Just look at the grades you get on your homework!

Presea: Precisely! You're Paw Pad Perfect!

Emil: thanks everyone…*blushes some more*

Marta: EMIL! Ugh! You're totally cheating on me! Ah! I can't believe you!

Emil: M-Marta! No! That's not it!

Marta: Why don't you love me!

Tenebrae: Ah, the troubles of young love.

Marta and Emil: You stay out of this, Tenebrae!

END SKIT!

Heading inside, Raine was amazed because naturally the passageway was made entirely out of ruins from some lost civilization. "WOW! RUINS!" Dashing off, the group and audience giggled at Raine once again because Ruin Mode just Never. Gets. Old.

_Never_.

Tenebrae, who surprising hadn't cracked a joke this entire chapter, spoke up, "I love this darkness! It's such a high quality of darkness! This darkness is so dark, not even the darkness of the darkest night could match this darkness! I want to bottle up this darkness and take it home with me. Back to my dark home. Maybe I'll even take this darkness on a date! Anyone care to join me and the darkness on a 'bottle' date?"

The hallway erupted with laughter, Emil slapping his knee, "Oh, Tenebrae!"

"Tenebie, I love your jokes!" Colette said shortly before tripping into a wall.

"It's Tenebrae!" More laughing because, you know, just like Ruin Mode, that also never gets old.

ELSEWHERE!

Zelos was walking, angsty angst filling his thoughts. He looked to his right and who should be there but LLOYD IRVING! "Bud," he said, running over to him. "Hey, you scared me when you ran off. What's up with you?"

Lloyd turned a super characteristically cold shoulder towards one of his best friends, "Nothing. Don't bother me, Zelos." His voice, which was clearly NOT Scott Menville, said.

"Bud, you can trust me. Tell me what's wrong? Emil, my personal bestest friend ever, says he doesn't trust you."

Lloyd glared at Zelos, saying in his not-Menville voice, "I don't care!"

Zelos paused, "Hey bud, is something wrong with your voice? It sounds kind of, you know, wonky." Zelos' angst had disappeared for the moment, making him actually care about someone else for a while.

"My voice? No, nothing's wrong with it. It sounds just like the original, doesn't it?"

Zelos furrowed his eyebrows, "If you're sure…I INSTANTLY BELIEVE YOU!" He hugged Lloyd, who returned a hug because they're really good friends (but not so good that Lloyd would bother sharing his dark, secret plans with him. Also, they were not as good of friends as Emil and him).

Lloyd suddenly pulled out his sword, pointing it at Zelos, "Don't follow me! I'm going rouge!" Running off, the redhead was left to ponder his friend's leaving.

"Lloyd…I hate you so much!" Turning around, he stormed off. His canon angst having returned. Instantly, he ran into his group. Colette gave off a scream as she landed on her butt after having run into Zelos.

"Zelos?" Genis asked, his voice for once not cracking from the latent effects of puberty.

Seeing that he'd run into his former traveling group, he smiled, "EMIL! LONG TIME NO SEE BUDDY!" He hugged Emil, the blonde, whose brilliant jade colored eyes lit up the darkness much to Tenebrae's dismay, returned it before giving Zelos a brofist.

"Hey best friend!"

"Right back at you!" Zelos suddenly remembered that he'd run into Lloyd and that somehow the others hadn't seen him. "Oh! I ran into Lloyd! He's up to something sneaky!"

Emil nodded, "Lloyd can't be trusted. After all, he destroyed PalmaCOSTa…even though that's not really true…But whatever! He did it and I'm angsty about it!" Suddenly shifting (due to the intense amount of anger he felt, _obviously_) the cheerful, bright, happy, sunshiny Emil turned into RATATOSK!

His now ruby colored eyes lit up the darkness, still irking Tenebrae.

Marta gasped in horror, "Ratatosk!"

SKIT TIME!

Skit: Just freaking admit you love each other Pt. 1

Marta: Emil…I mean, uh…Ratatosk…

Ratatosk: Marta…

Marta: …

Ratatosk: …

Marta: Um…

Ratatosk: Spit it out, Marta!

Marta: You're so mean! *runs off screen*

Ratatosk: …

END SKIT!

Johnny Yong Bosch-I mean- the voice whore-I mean- Ratatosk spoke, "Marta…Oh yah, she hates me. I better not talk to her just to create some kind of romantic tension between the two of us…kind of like Bella and Edward in the Twilight movies…"

SKIT TIME!

Skit: Just freaking admit you love each other Pt. 2

Marta: …

Ratatosk: …

Marta: …

Ratatosk: …

Marta: …

Rataosk: …

Tenebrae: *descends from the top of the screen* Should we call it, 'silent (k)night'? Hahaha.

Marta and Ratatosk: *Glare* …

END THIS SUPER NECESSARY SKIT!

Ratatosk stared stoically ahead, "Come on, I sense Centurions Cores."

Genis interrupted, puberty back in full swing, "Ratatosk, we're not looking for dAmN Centurion cores. We're looking for that BAsTaRD, Regal."

Ratatosk shook his head, "No, Regal has taken all of the cores and become mad with power." That shocking plot twist, (not like it happened to Marta's pappy or anything) not only caused the party to gasp but made the audience nearly fall from their seats, or, if they were laying, fall through the earth!

"Regal has to be stopped," Marta said, clearly ignoring the EXTREMELY INTENSE ROMANTIC TENSION between herself and Ratatosk/Emil. "We can't let him hurt people like papa…" Everyone shared a couple of tissues as they reminisced about the sorrows that had happened in the second game, no one, to this day, quite sure if Marta's father had actually lived or died.

Ratatosk stepped forward, pulling out his sword in typical hero/anti-hero fashion, swinging it down as everyone gasped in awe. "Let's go!" Charging forward, they reached the end of the hall, knowing Regal lie just beyond the door.

* * *

Congratulations on making it through the longest OuaLC chapter yet! So, was there anything **_YOU_ **noticed in DotNW that bothered you, sent you up a wall or made you break your expensive flat screen tv? Please leave a review and let us know! OrangePotato and I would love to include it in this fanfiction!

Do you want to be as dAMn cool of a BasTarD as Genis? Then drop by OrangePotato and My co-write,** Glory's Casket**! Simply click on my name, scroll to the bottom of my profile and click on the link to the story! It's never been easier! And if you click on it within ten minutes of completing this fanfiction, you'll get a wing pack ABSOLUTELY FREE! That's right, I'm shamelessly advertising my other fanfiction!

Now, don't type something into that box at the bottom of this screen and hit the post review button. And no, this is not reverse psychology at work. Nothing like that at all...


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